More stuff goes here:


The little details matter.

Everyone's in such a hurry these days, but do they even know where they're going? Do they actually know what they want? If it's so simple, why do most stories end with unhappiness?

Rewind! Take it easy.

Remove that finger from the fast-forward button, you're missing the show.


Actually, it's perfectly okay for you to just skip this one altogether.

This post is more for my sake than yours.

My weekend was awesome, but now every muscle in my body is screaming in pain. Also, I miss someone and I'm way bothered. On top of all of this, I'm a little freaked out (which is a different story entirely). Yes, I know I'm being vague. Yes, this post is going to continue that way. Probably because I'm too lazy to actually explain anything right now, but computers have been out of my reach for most of the weekend, and so I wanted to say something just because I'm here.

Anyway, details later.


Something different.

I've been drifting between hobbies for a long time, mostly because I'm terrible at sticking to any one thing. I'm sure I mention that every time I take writing back up, right? It's not that I learn something, get bored, and never touch it again...I guess the best way to say it is that my interest fades in and out? I don't know how to word this, and because anything I type right now is going to sound stupid to me, I'm just going to leave it as it is.

Anyway, I'm currently in a writing cycle, obviously, but I thought I would share a few of my pictures anyway. Just for something different than a block of text.

I'm going to go ahead and sleep now. Have an awesome whatever-it-is-you're-experiencing.


I keep repeating this, but you all seem to be deaf.

This is just another thing I need to get off my chest: Stop judging my life!

Seriously, guys, knock it off. Realistically, all you're accomplishing by chastising me is establishing a feeling of awkwardness between us, because you're not stopping me. I'm going to continue making decisions for myself, and if that's not okay with you, all I can really do is avoid speaking of these issues in your presence. That only makes life frustrating for both of us, because I know I don't want to hide anything, and I would assume that you don't want to feel as though you're being deceived.

For the record, I promise that I'm capable of making my own decisions, and if they turn out to be mistakes, so be it. None of this is going to change me to the point that I'm not the person you know now, the most it will become is a lesson in how to better approach things in the future. And that's perfectly reasonable - it's part of everything that we do in life. Because most things don't work out, but that never stops us from trying. We're supposed to take chances, to be ourselves, to do what we need to do to be happy, and that's all I'm doing here.

If you can't agree with what I've decided, then at least try and find comfort in the fact that I'm content.

At least that.

I really just needed to say it.

As long as I can remember, I've been wasting my time tip-toeing around my dad because I'm afraid of hurting him, and that's becoming more and more of a problem for me. I understand that he's an overprotective man, but there's certainly a time that you need to step back and realize that your child isn't exactly a child anymore, that you've done all that you can to raise them right. You need to look at the situation logically and let them make their decisions on their own, because if you've instilled the morals that you intended, there shouldn't be any doubt in your mind that they're going to do the right thing.

I want to move out, but realistically, that takes me having a job - something that I would currently have if not for him telling me that I couldn't accept it. Instead, he needed me to get my sister from school, a situation which conflicted with said job. And I want a car, but no, I have to use the money that could be put toward that to pay him rent, which I could be wasting somewhere where I am actually capable of being an adult. I  really do understand that I have responsibilities here, and I've accepted that. I've done what he's asked of me with little complaint (at least to him), and I've tried my hardest to make it simple for him. He's a single father, I understand that that's not always going to be easy, but I really do believe that I have to get out of here to be capable of growing as a person. And sure, it's not exactly going to be a piece of cake getting myself out into the world...I haven't tried to pretend it would be, but I believe it's time to figure that out for myself instead of being told so by my father.

Now he's telling me my other sister may be driving within a month, and that honestly doesn't even bother me. Once she's driving, there's nothing holding me here. I can get a job, I can live the way I want to live, I can leave without feeling like I'm abandoning the family, like I'm leaving them with no way of getting themselves to school. I'm turning twenty in less than a month - fucking twenty, and yet I can't go out on school nights, I can't buy myself the things I need, no, instead I'm treated like a twelve-year-old fucking child. I'm tired of it, and I've been so afraid of disappointing him that I've just kept my mouth shut in order to please him.

No more.


This is who I am; this is what I hate.

I am such an unsure and easily depressed person that the slightest waver in the way a person interacts with me (meaning, for example, that I feel like they're trying to hide something from me as compared to their normal interface) is capable of ruining my whole day. I mean, I know that sounds pretty bad, and it's not that it happens often, but it's totally possible and has in fact happened before. The smallest things are capable of making me feel like shit for days and I know how absolutely broken that makes me sound, but the knowledge that I'm overreacting or whatever it is that I'm doing, being cognizant of that, it just doesn't change the outcome.

I just...I don't know how I feel right now. Earlier, something happened that made me feel strange but that any normal person probably wouldn't have wasted energy thinking about. And then in the middle of it all, I was granted the chance to hang out with my best friend, and was happy enough that the incident hardly mattered. At the end, though, a similar situation came along to just sandwich my insecurity in nice and tight, but my happiness was still lingering and I therefore didn't give it much thought - that is, not until I was alone in my room. This was the time of day during which I had nothing to focus on but the situation, one that, like I said, would never have mattered to someone who wasn't dissecting it repeatedly, almost helplessly, making more of it than (I'm sure) it was ever realistically close to being.

I hate my mind sometimes.

I don't know why I have to focus on the negative things. There was so much good mixed into today, why can't I just throw out the extremely small amount of bad and let it rest? Why can't I relive the positive until I fall asleep to it, and let my mind wander with thoughts of the generous amount of happiness I found in today rather than the slight discomfort it brought me?

I don't know the answer to that either. If I realize what's wrong, shouldn't it be so easy to fix? I hope you didn't say yes to that, because while I really do want to be on your side, optimists, we all know that it's not that simple.

I'll fix me, though. Eventually. And even if I don't, I'll learn to live with myself, and eventually I can love myself, as well.


Sometimes I wonder how often I actually repeat myself. I mean, it's probably not the most terrible thing - because at least I'm stable in my opinions of the world? But occasionally I actually get on my own nerves, and I wonder whether I'm ever going to have anything worth saying again. I mean, everything is worth saying, but something worth saying that I haven't said before? I don't even know what I want, actually.

Maybe the solution is that you should just ignore everything I've ever mentioned, because then it will all look new to you no matter what. Unless what I told you was that you should look out, because the bear behind you looks angry and hungry and maul-y. Then you might regret that decision.

Never mind, just ignore that last paragraph instead.

Allow me to say this in the nerdiest way possible?

I don't know how to explain this properly, so I'm just going to delve into an extremely poor analogy here instead: it's like I don't have enough hard drive space for you in this shitty computer that is my life (I know, it's pretty bad - but I did warn you). And even if that weren't the case, my software seems to be picking you up as a virus while someone else's may find you completely harmless. In all honesty, you're something that, at least currently, just needs to be uninstalled.

Don't judge me for such an awful comparison, and please do have a nice life.