More stuff goes here:


I don't know what to title this.

Been out for a near-constant two weeks, and I have to face the fact that my high is over. I'm back in a depressive slump and I have no idea how it will last, nor how bad I will feel.

Wisecracks that I should be used to do nothing but cut me down, opposed to making me laugh. I know they're joking, and I have no problem with making fun of myself. Usually. Now I just cry. No more of this friend's house for at least a few weeks.

Sorry for whining. I just need to get out what I feel while I have access to a computer.

My mom and I got into a huge fight, because I called her out on the fact that she was never there for us. My dad wants me to either pay him rent or get out. My boyfriend and I got into our own huge fight, and he broke my laptop screen, which will cost me over one hundred bucks to fix. Everyone wants me to break up with my boyfriend.

Have to go babysit today. I think I forgot something else that I wanted to write here.

I don't know what I want. I don't know anything right now.


The ups and downs.

 I have so many ups and downs that either one is absolutely normal these days.

I'm currently going through an 'up.' I consider it one if just sitting around my house is a good day, because there are times that I can't stand this. Today I woke up, played video games, had dinner with my family, and other than that, did absolutely nothing. Fireworks keep going off somewhere in my neighborhood and they're driving me crazy. I guess that's my only complaint.

I know I haven't been posting much lately. Depending on how you want to categorize this, I don't think I'm leaning toward total disappearance. My reasoning this time around is that I've been out with friends an awful lot, and I've been having the time of my life. The summer after I graduated was the one that I've always considered the best, but this one is already competing for the title. I feel great, I'm spending time with fun people, and I've already experienced some absolutely amazing things.

There are some terrible things that have gone on, of course. My boyfriend's best friend just lost a sister to skin cancer, and I feel so sorry for him. On top of that, four people I know are currently in prison: two for illegal fireworks (lay off, California, everyone does it), my (step) brother for drugs, and someone I knew in high school for child pornography - I never saw that coming, and I have a disgusted feeling in my stomach every time I think about him. Goes to show that you don't really know anyone's dirty secrets.

Hope you're all doing well.

Writer's Block: Love or be loved?

Do you think a romantic relationship can ever be equal or will one partner always love and/or compromise more than the other? Given the choice, would you rather be the one who loves more or is loved more?

All relationships are, at best, 60/40. And as much as I regret it, I'm the one who loves less and is loved more. I can't seem to change that, even if I want to, because it just feels so wrong to pretend.