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You make me happy, sometimes.

Seriously, dude, what is your deal?

You never even explained why you were angry with me in the first place, all I knew was that you were. You gave me that fucked up line, "I can't promise that I won't stop talking to you," a few days after you told me that you wanted to be in my life forever - far-fetched in the first place, sure, but it could have lasted more than 48 hours. You think?

I'm tired of you flipping back and forth, and I'm honestly beginning to think that our good days have some pretty fucking stupid underlying factors - where I am, what I'm dong, whether or not you can get a ride home from work, whether or not you think someone else is flirting with me; is this a convenience thing? Comfort? You say you're sincere, that you love me, but whatever. I can't tell anymore.

I'm getting fed up, and I don't expect you to make any changes, so I'm going to have to make one myself. And because I refuse to evolve my life around someone else's ever again, that change is going to have to a be something a little more closely resembling a goodbye.

I hate even thinking that.


This wasn't supposed to happen, but I'm not really complaining.

"You promise you're always going to be in my life, at least as my best friend?"
"How about as more than a best friend?"
"...I'd like that."
"Then maybe we should do that."

I know it's a damn crazy promise to expect anyone to keep, but it's one that can at least make us feel some sort of comfort in the present. What's nice about it is that I can currently say I'm happy with the situation, that I'm committed to this, and I can say that, with the impression I'm given, he's happy with it, as well. This, at the very least, has been made extremely clear to me.

And while things felt like they were going down the shitter for a while there, all alibis were backed up (even accidentally), and all hurts were talked through. I feel much better than I did before, and I don't have any doubt that he means what he says. Especially not with the way he's been treating me - which is extremely well, in case the powers of the internet have made that sentence seem like it was meant to be negative.

Last night, I fell asleep to him having said he loves me about twenty-two-million times, to him saying the sweetest things in the world, and I couldn't have fallen asleep with a larger smile on my big, stupid face.

PS: Kendra needs to stop making fun of me. "This is the girliest I've ever seen you!" As a warning, you're going to be the deadest I've ever seen you if you don't shut that pie-hole.

PPS: I wouldn't actually kill Kendra. Because I love her more than I hate her.