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One afternoon, I am complaining about the confusion of my age, what is expected of me versus what I want for myself.

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

- Tuesdays with Morrie.


You cannot leave the subject blank.

One of these days, I just want to wake up and realize that everything turned out terrifically in the end. That I made the right choices, went down the right paths, and ended up exactly where I always wanted to. It would be the greatest feeling in the world, knowing that I didn't go through all of the ups and downs without an outcome. Knowing that I went through pains to achieve something in the end. Knowing that everything was worth what it brought me.

Once I turn eighteen, the plan is to get out there and live on my own, even though my dad isn't exactly looking forward to it. I'll probably end up getting an apartment here in a few months, with a friend or two, as long as everything works out. Maybe with at least one of my [currently] two favorite homeless people (cough). You guys know who you are.

Anyway, things seem to be going great right now. To begin with, I'm in love with my group of friends, dude. There's barely drama, and everyone just seems to click together. I've never felt so at ease.

COS isn't anything like I expected big scary college to be. It's pretty laid-back, and the classes aren't as hard as I expected. Sure, sure, I'm still getting used to having to supply my own shit (scantrons, textbooks, and whatnot) but it's really a lot better than I believed it would be. Plus, being able to smoke on campus is a nice plus. The friends we've made has proved worthwhile, too.

Next comes Troy. Damn. I feel so completely comfortable with him that I don't even know what to do with myself. I've just always been so reserved with people. I've been afraid to share myself with them since things that occurred a few years back, and it's utterly simple to hide yourself away from others when you have something that's eating away at you. I don't know, it'd be hard for you to understand, I suppose.