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Fuck trust.

"Steps back always find themselves becoming steps forward." A friend just said this to me, and I don't really know how I should process it. I'll have to think on it for a while.

Anyway, as I was saying there, there are a few different things weighing on me right now, and I'm really thinking I just need to take a step back from it all. Let it play out the way it's meant to, and if that includes me in any way, let it happen. If not, I shouldn't push myself into the mix.

I really want my appointment to come so I can figure out what the hell is growing on my neck. I want my mother to stop being a bastard and answer my text messages if she's going to pretend that she wants things to be okay between us. I want to feel comfortable in school and at home and fucking wherever I choose to spend my time. I want a job. I want to be able to trust my friends. I want so many things.

I'm super happy to have Kendra for a best friend, and yes, I do rank her above the rest of you. Get over it. That whole backstabber bit that we all fought? Yeah, I'm beginning to agree with it a bit, but I'll never tell anyone but Kendra the way I feel. And I realize you think very highly of yourself, but we don't all need your permission to do what we want in life. Stop trying to give unwanted advice, which really turns out to be less advice and more of you attempting to control the situation.

I'm so sick and tired of being used, of being told what to do, of so many different things.

1 comment:

  1. Perhaps...when you step back and look at things from everyone's point of view, you'll be able to gain a new perspective on things. For me, it always helps to know what other people's motives are. :)
    I'm so sorry you're feeling used and that things are crappy for you. To me, you sound like a girl with goals. Like a girl with ambition who wants more for herself and isn't afraid to ask for what she deserves. I admire that. I encourage that in my daughter, in fact. So, more power to ya!!
    I definitely hope you're able to get your neck looked at ASAP. That sounds worrisome. *hug*


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