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That's life.

Here's what's happened since I last least that I can remember, because I'm sure a ton of uninteresting shit has happened otherwise.

I met a ton of Boyfriend's family for the first time on Thursday, the 5th of May. This is mentionable only because he swore it would never happen. He's not exactly family-oriented, and hasn't even been around  most of them himself for a good portion of his life. He never wanted me to meet his mother and has mentioned that the baby never will. I'm not sure if that's changed or not. It was interesting, and I wasn't disappointed. I actually got along well with everyone I came into contact with.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in earlier posts or not, but a few months back my boyfriend's dad found out that he had lung cancer. Well, the reason for the family gathering was that his health had taken a turn. Toward the end of this visit, Boyfriend asked me to go into the room with him, and it was a horrible thing to see. His dad couldn't talk, could hardly hurt to watch. He mostly stared at the wall, but would look at whoever was talking some of the time. Boyfriend pulled me over to the side of the bed, took his dad's hand to have him feel my stomach and, as we had agreed not more than an hour prior, informed him that we would be naming our child after him should it turn out to be a boy. And so it's decided: if it's a boy, we have a Mark Allen on the way, named after two people that we have loved dearly in our lifetimes.

His dad passed away the next day, on May 6th, and I only wish I could have been more of a presence while I was in that room. I wish it were easier to find the words you want to say while you still have the means to share them.

My first mother's day (as a soon-to-be mom, rather than a current one) was this last Sunday, the 8th. That was nice. Boyfriend and I picked up food and went to a park, where we sat and ate in front of the water. It was cute. He was super excited to do something for me that day, even though we couldn't do much; my dad was stuck at the hospital where his child was being born, so I was on call all day. Kept having to leave to pick up and feed children, and etc. It was still nice, though. It was the first thing he said to me when we woke up that morning, "Happy first mother's day." It felt strange to hear, but in a good way.

Mm, Boyfriend's dad's funeral is this Saturday, on the 14th. I feel awful and even though I've lost a ton of people in my life, I still can't find the right words. I guess I'm doing alright, though, because he sent me a message last night out of nowhere reading, "Everything is perfect with you, and you make everything better." He let me know that all of this has made him feel closer to me. So I guess even just allowing him to cry on my shoulder is if being here for him is a chore.

Anyway, this is life right now. I'm 17 weeks tomorrow, the nausea is (for the most part) gone, and Monday is my next appointment. I have to get blood drawn (not  my favorite thing to do), but at least I'll be scheduled for my next ultrasound. Hoping I get to find out the sex at this one (it depends on whether the baby is being stubborn or not). I'm really excited.

Anyway, have a good day, week, month, year, to the best of your ability.

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