It's kind of three am and I'm kind of still awake. It's not fun either. This isn't a good day for my health, I'll tell you that. Lack of sleep makes me nauseous, which doesn't feel good after blacking out earlier today...as one might imagine.
But the fact is, I'm awake and tired and...awake. Okay, so I didn't need to use that sentence at all, but my mind's all goofed now. Sorry. I can't believe I just said 'goofed'. Ugh.
The point here (if there ever actually WAS one) is, I'm up late with a full conscience and a worry burrowing in my brain. I don't even know where my thoughts come from most of the time. They just decide sneak up on me at three am on a Tuesday when I should be sleeping. Instead I'm wasting the night away, sitting in my underwear and a t-shirt, thinking about things that really don't matter.
Like, where did it all go? How did I lose so much, gain so much, and never feel that shift that's so obviously taken place? When did everything become so different?
It must've been one of those moments that I kept my eyes closed, pretending I was happy. Because when you think you're happy, you don't want to let the moment go, ya know? Then you wake up and realize you were surrounding yourself with assholes who are ready to move on to their next target. That's rich.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know what's wrong with the world or any of the people that have to be so...actually, I don't know what to say here.
Anyway, I have absolutely no train of thought, even though I'll probably keep adding to this as I realize that there's no way I'm getting to sleep any time soon. My room's too warm right now, and my house is too quiet. I shouldn't have been watching that show about monsters destroying the peoples' lives. Goddamnit, that stupid little boy was behind the whole thing, too. He was the one controlling the stupid monsters, which were in turn ruining the goddamn lives. Fuck that show. Ugh.
Now I'm awake and thinking of everything that sucks. And that's...well, everything. THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY. Good night...sort of.